Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I want you more than these girls want KFC
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
