remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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