I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
