When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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