At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
