I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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