Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
