Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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