drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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