dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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