A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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