i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
