In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want to make out with him forever
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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