There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love having hate sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
