wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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