Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
