I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
