You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
