did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
