God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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