I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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