when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
