my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
