I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize