pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
