Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
