At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
