Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
