Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
