I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
