Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
