i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
