Im at strip club and am horny
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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