I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
