the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
