You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
