The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
