I think I won the penis lottery.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
