I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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