So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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