grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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