Do you still have your period?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
