bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
