So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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