I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
