we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
