Ketchup is God's man juice
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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