i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
