wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
