She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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