Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
