I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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