at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
