SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
