I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
