just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
