I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
