I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
