your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
