dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
