were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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