I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
