Sry I called you an 8
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
