speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Everclear isn't food dammit
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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