whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had to cum in my sink.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize