remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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