It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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