I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
