hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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