apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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