How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
