My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
